My Heart’s Desires – ala Sacha Sterling

1. Different (better) job

2. Employer provided health insurance (no extra charge for tobacco, spouse or dependents all included, low-deductible, low co-pay)

3. DEBT  FREE

4. high clearance 4 wheel drive vehicle

5. blood orange tree

6. more raised beds

7. kitty kat (s) – Ragdoll from Auburn breeder, sisters from same litter

8. drip irrigation system

9. Vitamix

10. Kio pond and/or swimming pool

11. teletransporter

12. a bikini top in G+ cup size that folds down small for backpacking

13. Solar dehydrator

14. Spiralizer

15. And while we’re asking, how about a week at Heavenly of private snowboard instruction?

16. Mossbrae music festival 2013?

17. more backpacking trips: Trinity Alps, Marble Mountains, Russian Wilderness, Yolla Bollas, Warners

18. local ice ring and figure skating lessons

19. a life straw

20. one of those in line filter thingies

21. a bigger pack

22. toe socks, for hiking

23. two hens?

24. an upright tiger oak piano

25. more and taller tomato cages for next year

26. snowboard wax and tune

27. ski wax and tune

28. Scott Valley bluegrass festival 2014?

Observations:

  • There’s not a lot a desire right now beyond a job that is satisfying.
  • I believe I deserve all these things.
  • I believe the landscaping things are possible, but probably won’t happen for 6 months to a year from now.
  • Pool and koi pond could be decades off. I’m not sure we have room for both. I might want the space more to grow food. Living close to Whiskeytown and having a kiddie pool is a nice compromise.
  • I think I only want 1 through 3 at a 10. I give them a probability factor of less then 6 in the current reality. Some of the things I want less are more probably and I will get them sooner.
  • The Vitamix is a few months out I think. I really want it to make soup with. I am going to have a butt load of winter squash.
  • A solar dehydrator is in the realm of possibility.
  • This all makes me think I am definitely heading more and more to the 80-10-10 raw vegan world. Mr. X even ordered vegetarian pizza last time he got pizza for us. I’ve done pretty well committing to be a vegetarian for the last 6 weeks. It’s not important to label myself that way, I just don’t think I need to eat meat right now, and when and if I do feel I need to eat meat again, I’d like to know where it came from. I find it hard to resist temptation while backpacking (but I figure it’s like a condiment and I probably need it then), when Mr. X cooks for me, and in social situations in which there is meat. I try to avoid social situations where I know there will be food I don’t typically eat and I try to bring raw fruit (or veggies) to share as much as possible.
  • I could put more bucket-list/travel type stuff on here, but given that I turned down my best opportunity so far to go to Sequoia National Park, something I wanted to do since I was 3 or 4 years olde, to come home to Mr. X because that’s what I wanted to do more.¬† I guess my relationship and home life takes precedence over most bucket list type things.
  • Backpacking and more ways to prepare raw foods seem pretty important.
  • Yeah I should just go to the bluegrass festival. Who the fuck cares that I was thinking of doing other, less expensive things with other people this weekend?
  • I should stop swearing so much, but it just feels good, you know?
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Carnal Pleasures and the Mastery of Desire

How do you tell between illusion-based desires and those, well, that are more well-intentioned and serve the light within?

This is a head trip you can easily get lost in and your ego is going to be out there to get you time and time again, but as blade dancers, you can’t just go all raw or all celibate or all whatever to eliminate your addiction. Right? Krishnamurti already said this. I’ll get to the point. I promise. You might want to do this for a time, so that you remember how if feels to be without it, and how your brain and chemistry work outside of the addiction and withdrawal, but hey man, not everything that brings pleasure is evil. That’s why we’re here in these broke down bodies on this planet that is experiencing a biospheric meltdown right? We’re not suffering for our health, I mean, maybe you are, but I did not volunteer for this mission and I’m still a hedonist at heart. Since, we’re supposed to be living through our hearts right now, always were supposed to be. That’s why everything is all broke down. Our hearts have been broken.

Well, anyway. The fashionista inside me is coming back to life. Most times I am practical because I know I am going to be sweating balls or climbing over deadfall or what have you. But really, if I’m staying in all day or just driving to the store why not do my hair and make-up and actually think about what I am wearing? So in part this may have been spurned by the increasingly raw diet because I feel more glow-ey and more like LOOK AT ME (stupid ego! but there you go). I feel less like a ghost to the world and more like myself. Not that I didn’t feel like myself before, I just felt invisible to the world at large, but thank God that pieces of reality have finally come into harmonization with my vibration. Now that I know other people can see me I feel like then I really want to play around with what my outside casing looks like because inside I feel very creative and playful and fashion and cuisine is where my heart is having that come out right now. It’s sort of weird, because it normally comes out through music, art, or poetry but there’s the whole dissatisfaction with music at the moment.

I want MAC eyeshadows and brushes, cute sandals, some freaking clothes that I haven’t already owned for the last 8 years, nice clothes, not the shit you find at regular stores now a days. If anyone knows of any amazon fashionistas recently passing, I’m a classic 14 to 16. Dead peoples’ clothes are the best. lol. That’s the other thing about new clothes. They don’t fit right. There’s like all this room for stomach pouches, that used to be in plus sizes or half sizes. Misses, please. I have curves, but I am not a heifer. Juniors and girls sizes do not have room for boobs or shoulders or hips. And actually that’s getting bad too. I get something big enough for my shoulders and rib cage and there’s all this extra in the tummy area. But I have this vintage dress, that other the the sleeves being a little too short, is slammin’. Okay, I’m done. I think I am going to start buying new clothes at Victoria’s Secret because they are the same price as Target or Macy’s, better quality, and haven’t gone all vanity sized.

I did fall asleep listening to Miles Davis on the turntable last night. That was fabulous.

I did drink last night.

I did pick up a copy of Crosby, Stills, and Nash’s first album on vinyl. It is so freaking beautiful. It brought me to tears. Hey, if I can manifest an analog copy of “Judy Blue Eyes”, and a way to play it, I think I can manifest whatever I desire that is in harmony with the universe. Listening to this album I have loved forever the way it was intended to be heard was a truly, truly amazing experience. Indescribable.

So while I can still enjoy the old music. I am hearing a new sound that I haven’t got the resources to commit to bringing out of my head, and apparently, no one else is there yet, or they are in the same boat I am in.

Oh, and really, I want a mixer and a set of turntables because I am hearing Aretha Franklin disco house after listening to Love All the Hurt Away last night.

I did come across this mix that is pretty nice.

The dehydration is going okay so far, even though I was in the kitchen forever yesterday. The crackers are still moist and really crumbly, so I definitely want to try the chia seed thing next time, but they smell really good and I want to eat them right now!

I also was thinking, all of the above, this is why I can’t watch movies or read fiction anymore. Drama-free reality and the playful expression of my being through my high-heart is so fucking awesome why, oh why, oh why would I ever want to live through anyone else working out their archetypal dramas or intentionally creating illusion because they forgot or have yet to learn how to be? Nope. I am going to spend hours playing with my hair and make-up, playing in the kitchen, playing with jig saw puzzles, playing records, playing on YouTube… because I am embodying happiness. I cannot be distracted and I do not need to be entertained or brainwashed.

Back In Class, GFL Style

To summarize, basically, the weather is going to get KAH-RAY-ZEE! Say it with me, KAH-RAY-ZEE! That’s right, KAH-RAY-ZEE! Floods and tornadoes and wild temperature fluctuations, oh my! It’s probably not going to be a good crop year. The purpose of all this is not to harm people or create suffering, but there’s a few too many people who still haven’t chosen of their own free will to let it go, so people are going to have to dig deep in their hearts to get it when everything around them is falling apart. I mean, I guess everyone chose this a long, long time ago anyway, but still.

Also, seems that though things may continue to suck, I’ve gotten myself through the suckiest of the sucky. Instead of a rainbow as a promise keeper, I get summer snow.

And of course there were bits about learning to utilize the world of machine elves and plant consciousness, but I seriously cannot translate that, so get yourself to base camp and come join the classes!