Outside of Time

I am shocked to see him. His left arm is amputated as well as his right leg up to his knee. My son is a cripple! He’s not even 5 yet. He barely got to enjoy the experience of running. Images of skiing, ice skating, snowboarding, running through prairie grass, mountain biking, road biking, flash all through my head to be replaced with sadder images of driveway basketball and assisted swimming. Well, he always loved the water, right?

“What happened!?!” I am demanding as I receive a single-armed embrace.


Michelle and Angie look at me doe-eyed.

“He was attacked by a 6th grader with a machete,” Michelle nonchalantly replies. His sister? “They had to amputate.”

He has no other scars, but insisted on keeping his right foot. He likes to show it to people.

“Look at my foot Mommy!” It’s been sprayed to preserve it and it’s still fleshy feeling. Gross. You can see the bone in cross-section at the ankle.

“No one thought you should tell me?”

Michelle and Angie shrug.

“Honey, I would have killed whoever did this to you if they had so much as touched you.” He had a prosthesis for his leg, so he could walk, but it didn’t fit right and he seemed to prefer scooting around on the floor like some crab-boy.

You need to come home with me, to the land of far, far away. The sun shines more. The air is cleaner. The water is better to drink. The food just came right out of the earth, and THERE ARE NO MANIACS RUNNING AROUND WITH MACHETES!!!!

I had been watching Queen before bed last night and there is a gory civil war scene. I found out Michelle is supposedly moving back in with her mother, the most evil person I’ve ever met.

I tell Jeremy about the dream and he tells me about this twin Anubis dream he had, like something out of The Mummy. The twins were really two old Jewish men under the masks. They had been collecting body parts because one of them had lost a leg and one an arm. Jeremy had found a toe in his sandwich prior to their arrival.

So in exploring dismembered children, jackals, and Anubis, I came up with this.

“For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places”
Ephesians 6:12 – KJV

Somehow this led me back once again to Chapter 24. When the darkness is increased by one, the 7th brings return.

I find myself within the mountain. All is in relationship to the sacred mountain that holds my life anchoring me to all that is.


KEEPING STILL. Keeping his back still
So that he no longer feels his body.
He goes into his courtyard
And does not see his people.
No blame.

True quiet means keeping still when the time has come to keep still when the time has come to keep still, and going forward when the time has come to go forward. In this way rest and movement are in agreement with the demands of the time, and thus there is light in life.

The hexagram signifies the end and the beginning of all movement. the back is named because in the back are located all the nerve fibers that mediate movement. If the movement of these spinal nerves is brought to a standstill, the ego, with its restlssness, disappears as it were. When a man has thus become calm, he may turn to the outside world. He no longer sees in it the struggle and tumult of individual beings, and therefore he has that true peace of mind which is needed for understanding the great laws of the universe and for acting in harmony with them. Whoever acts from these deep levels makes no mistakes.


Mountains standing close together:
The image of KEEPING STILL.
Thus the superior man
Does not permit his thoughts
To go beyond his situation

The heart thinks constantly. This cannot be changed, but the movements of the heart – that is, a man’s thoughts – should restrict themselves to the immediate situation. All thinking that goes beyond this only makes the heart sore.


Six at the beginning means:
Keeping his toes still.
No blame.
Continued perseverance furthers.

Keeping the toes still means halting before one has even begun to move. The beginning is the time of few mistakes. At that time one is still in harmony with primal innocence. Not yet influenced by obscuring interests and desires, one sees things intuitively as they really are. A man who halts at the beginning, so long as he has not yet abandoned truth, finds the right way. But persisting firmness is needed to keep one from drifting irresolutely.

Six in the second place means;
Keeping his calves still.
He cannot rescue him whom he follows.
His heart is not glad.

The leg cannot move independently; it depends on the movement of the body. If a leg is suddenly stopped while the whole body in in vigorous motion, the continuing body movement will make one fall.

The same is true of a man who serves a master stronger than himself. He is swept along, and even though he may himself halt on the path of wrongdoing, he can no longer check the other in his powerful movement. Where the master presses forward, the servant, no matter how good his intentions, cannot save him.

Nine in the third place means:
Keeping his hips still.
Making his sacrum stiff.
Dangerous. The heart suffocates.

This refers to enforced quiet. The restless heart is to be subdued by forcible means. But fire when it is smothered changes into acrid smoke that suffocates as it spreads.

Therefore, in exercises in meditation and concentration, one ought not to try to force results. Rather, calmness must develop naturally out of a state of inner composure. If one tries to induce calmness by means of artificial rigidity, meditation will lead to very unwholesome results.

Six in the fourth place means:
Keeping his trunk still
No blame.

As has been pointed out above in the comment on the Judgment, keeping the back at rest means forgetting the ego. This is the highest stage of rest. Here this stage has not yet been reached: the individual in this instance, though able to keep the ego, with its thoughts and impulses, in a state of rest, is not yet quite liberated from its dominance. Nonetheless keeping the heart at rest is an important function, leading in the end to the complete elimination of egotistic drives. Even though at this point one does not yet remain free from all the dangers of doubt and unrest, this frame of mind is not a mistake, as it leads ultimately to that other, higher level.

Six in the fifth place means:
Keeping the jaws still.
The words have order.
Remorse disappears.

A man in a dangerous situation, especially when he is not adequate to it, is inclined to be very free with talk and presumptuous jokes. but injudicious speech easily leads to situations that subsequently give much cause for regret. However, if a man is reserved in speech, his words take ever more definite form, and every occasion for regret vanishes.

Nine at the top means:
Noblehearted keeping still.
Good fortune.

This marks the consummation of the effort to attain tranquillity. One is at rest, not merely in a small, circumscribed way in regard to matters of detail, but one has also a general resignation in regard to life as a whole, and this confers peace and good fortune in relation to every individual matter.

And so in the future, the earth rises above the mountain, in genuine modesty. Hexagram 15, as arising now from the bottom of the mountain.

The superior man can carry out his work to the end without boasting of what he has achieved. The superior man… equalizes the extremes that are the source of social discontent and thereby creates just and equable conditions. Where no claims are put forward, no resistances arise. If a man allows himself to be dazzled by fame, he will soon be criticized, and difficulties will arise. If, on the contrary, he remains modest despite his merit, he makes himself beloved and wins the support necessary for carrying his work through to the end. Genuine modesty sets one to creating order that inspires one to begin by disciplining one’s own ego and one’s immediate circle. Only through having the courage to marshal one’s armies against oneself, will something forceful really be achieved.

Through the imposed nightmare, perseverance, without boasting…The war is over, but we count ourselves not victors, merely resolute, accepting gladly what is given, the hug of a crippled child whose heart is lighter than a feather. There can be no destruction where no lines have been drawn, no demands, nor claims made. It is a delicate dance both within and outside of time, flowering forth from the internal flame allowed to burn brightly into the external creations.



The Rookie

I think it’s time to do something completely chaotic and insane to retrieve the synchronicity in my life, yet, it needs to be something that makes sense from this point of departure, and be something I will not regret.

What could that insane chaos element be? The things that used to work, well, I’ve done those things a lot. Driving randomly to an unknown destination with Spirit guiding me, taking control of the Word through cut-ups, attempting to lose myself in trance, running off into the forest to go camping… This time needs to be completely different.

It’s not quite time yet, but I feel the holding down the home fort and regrouping is about to come to an end.

Today when I ask myself what my heart most desires I get: subverting and vanishing the dark forces trying to control my mind (WTF!?! I AM in control here. BE GONE!), ma honeys – ma sweet boys – brunches and cuddles and snuggles and randomness and growing things and music and sexual innuendos and all, an F-ing mixer already, work, staying in the Cascades. So I am desperately trying to stay out of the negative feedback loops of staying here AND having my honeys now. They are not here. I am not leaving. They are not coming anytime soon.

I feel like I am fighting with powerful beings whom I cherish on the weather (seriously, it’s 58!?! and it’s JUNE 16th!?!) and on my location because I can’t help but think the Captain keeps sabotaging me in order to get me to Colorado. All the trouble I would have avoided if I had only gone there in the first place! But it would have been a different story, a different path with different challenges. If I had to choose? Well, I’d choose to wait and have it all. I left and came to their home and we all see how well that worked. I am being drawn to Colorado, but again, not yet. Not quite yet. However, it is time for new creations. The evaluation period is over. This has possibly be the most disappointing spring ever. I hope to reap some bountiful harvests this summer, but the energy I expected to go POP and be able to surf the wave of, ended up being more like flood waters, stagnating and breeding mosquitoes. Time to shake it up baby. I just need that initial spark to set things in motion, and still I am getting the ‘wait, stay home, reflect, read, be ready’ vibe.

High road, how do I find you?

The present is embodied in Hexagram 26 – Ta Ch’u (The Taming Power of the Great): It will be advantageous to be firm and correct. If he does not seek to enjoy his revenues in his own family, without taking service at court, there will be good fortune. It will be advantageous for him to cross the great stream.
The sixth line, undivided, shows its subject as in command of the firmament of heaven. There will be progress.
The situation is evolving slowly, and Yin (the passive feminine force) is gaining ground.
Yin (New)
Yin (New)
Yin (New)
Yang (New)
Yang (New)
Yang (New)
The future is embodied in Hexagram 11 – T’ai (Peace): We see the lesser gone and greatness come upon us. There will be good fortune, with progress and success.
The things most apparent, those above and in front, are embodied by the upper trigram Ken (Mountain), which is transforming into K’un (Earth). As part of this process, stillness and obstruction are giving way to docility and receptivity.
The things least apparent, those below and behind, are embodied by the lower trigram Chi’en (Heaven), which represents strength and creativity.

Well, to me court means council. Council for me is meeting with the G.A. base at the G.F.L. here, in dream time. The Captain has been coming since I returned home. The great stream speaks to me as the Mississippi which means our first mate needs to come west, but obviously there are some things that need to happen first. The mountain speaks to me as Mt. Shasta and becoming earth I take to mean moving down into the valley to find work and begin farming. Strength and creativity will see us through. In any case, I’m glad to have a positive divination. Things have been very stuck and now the waters begin again to flow.

Still, how the crap am I supposed to find a job? Right, when the time comes, I will know. Faith and patience are not bedfellows I commonly take to.

Remember, every all-star was once a rookie.