Pre-dawn Blues

It seems like every time I wake up early on a weekend, instead of getting up and being productive, I lay in bed hoping I will fall back asleep. I end up ruminating over how irrevocably fucked up my life is (life? what life?), how I am forever trapped in debt, how hetero males are incapable of emotion, how emotion is a big red flag that you are about to make big, big mistakes, how desire is nothing but a sick and perverted addiction… Better stop, drop, and get the fuck out of Dodge. Keep running. Run! Run!

One mistake in this world, and forget building anything. Best to avoid pain today. There is no tomorrow. Plans fail, so it’s best to fail to plan. There are half a billion demons at your doorstep waiting to manipulate you out of everything you have. What were once legitimate businesses have sunk to the level of pan handlers and beggars, akin to the meth and heroin addict zombies overrunning the top of the valley. I can’t even go online or touch my phone anymore for the amount of targeted marketing is utterly nauseating.

Then I get up and realize there is no one I can communicate with in this prison of illusion and all around me is insanity. Humanity was a lost cause from day one, but now, the collective is so flighty that one is contaminated beyond all hope the instant they are born.