Carnal Pleasures and the Mastery of Desire

How do you tell between illusion-based desires and those, well, that are more well-intentioned and serve the light within?

This is a head trip you can easily get lost in and your ego is going to be out there to get you time and time again, but as blade dancers, you can’t just go all raw or all celibate or all whatever to eliminate your addiction. Right? Krishnamurti already said this. I’ll get to the point. I promise. You might want to do this for a time, so that you remember how if feels to be without it, and how your brain and chemistry work outside of the addiction and withdrawal, but hey man, not everything that brings pleasure is evil. That’s why we’re here in these broke down bodies on this planet that is experiencing a biospheric meltdown right? We’re not suffering for our health, I mean, maybe you are, but I did not volunteer for this mission and I’m still a hedonist at heart. Since, we’re supposed to be living through our hearts right now, always were supposed to be. That’s why everything is all broke down. Our hearts have been broken.

Well, anyway. The fashionista inside me is coming back to life. Most times I am practical because I know I am going to be sweating balls or climbing over deadfall or what have you. But really, if I’m staying in all day or just driving to the store why not do my hair and make-up and actually think about what I am wearing? So in part this may have been spurned by the increasingly raw diet because I feel more glow-ey and more like LOOK AT ME (stupid ego! but there you go). I feel less like a ghost to the world and more like myself. Not that I didn’t feel like myself before, I just felt invisible to the world at large, but thank God that pieces of reality have finally come into harmonization with my vibration. Now that I know other people can see me I feel like then I really want to play around with what my outside casing looks like because inside I feel very creative and playful and fashion and cuisine is where my heart is having that come out right now. It’s sort of weird, because it normally comes out through music, art, or poetry but there’s the whole dissatisfaction with music at the moment.

I want MAC eyeshadows and brushes, cute sandals, some freaking clothes that I haven’t already owned for the last 8 years, nice clothes, not the shit you find at regular stores now a days. If anyone knows of any amazon fashionistas recently passing, I’m a classic 14 to 16. Dead peoples’ clothes are the best. lol. That’s the other thing about new clothes. They don’t fit right. There’s like all this room for stomach pouches, that used to be in plus sizes or half sizes. Misses, please. I have curves, but I am not a heifer. Juniors and girls sizes do not have room for boobs or shoulders or hips. And actually that’s getting bad too. I get something big enough for my shoulders and rib cage and there’s all this extra in the tummy area. But I have this vintage dress, that other the the sleeves being a little too short, is slammin’. Okay, I’m done. I think I am going to start buying new clothes at Victoria’s Secret because they are the same price as Target or Macy’s, better quality, and haven’t gone all vanity sized.

I did fall asleep listening to Miles Davis on the turntable last night. That was fabulous.

I did drink last night.

I did pick up a copy of Crosby, Stills, and Nash’s first album on vinyl. It is so freaking beautiful. It brought me to tears. Hey, if I can manifest an analog copy of “Judy Blue Eyes”, and a way to play it, I think I can manifest whatever I desire that is in harmony with the universe. Listening to this album I have loved forever the way it was intended to be heard was a truly, truly amazing experience. Indescribable.

So while I can still enjoy the old music. I am hearing a new sound that I haven’t got the resources to commit to bringing out of my head, and apparently, no one else is there yet, or they are in the same boat I am in.

Oh, and really, I want a mixer and a set of turntables because I am hearing Aretha Franklin disco house after listening to Love All the Hurt Away last night.

I did come across this mix that is pretty nice.

The dehydration is going okay so far, even though I was in the kitchen forever yesterday. The crackers are still moist and really crumbly, so I definitely want to try the chia seed thing next time, but they smell really good and I want to eat them right now!

I also was thinking, all of the above, this is why I can’t watch movies or read fiction anymore. Drama-free reality and the playful expression of my being through my high-heart is so fucking awesome why, oh why, oh why would I ever want to live through anyone else working out their archetypal dramas or intentionally creating illusion because they forgot or have yet to learn how to be? Nope. I am going to spend hours playing with my hair and make-up, playing in the kitchen, playing with jig saw puzzles, playing records, playing on YouTube… because I am embodying happiness. I cannot be distracted and I do not need to be entertained or brainwashed.

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Ju

I want to know if there’s a word that takes juju beyond just a sort of luck instilled from a voodoo fetish. Captain, you have to get over this voodoo aversion, or we might have to set sail without ju. Dig? S’it’s ‘K. Mmm ma luv.

Or if Jah weren’t about that pissy little Yawhen Jahovah who cried when we spanked him…

My Lord Shiva can take the heights and the punishment for pride. He fears no other gods. His ego is strong, yet balanced, in it’s own time. My Lord Shiva is master of the blade dance and he teaches me, if only I would ever be a good pupil. Shiva is amused by voodoo and any embracement of it I display.

What’s that word? For now juju will do, but I am owning it and changing it. Stellar juju.

Yeah, stellar juju comes when you realize ju jah. AKA thou are God. Grok? lol.