Pushing Off Boundaries, Amy Purdy – Inspired

I’ve spent the last 5 months trying to get creative about how I am going to go snowboarding without money, without snowshoes, without a back country pack, without a transceiver, without a partner… so far my only solution is to walk overland until I find a nice open space like sand flat. Wholly impractical and completely dangerous. I have legs and kidneys, but no money, no support.

I surely don’t feel like I’m unimaginative or uncreative.

What do I want to do?

Last night I realized that I love to build furniture and flip houses almost as much as I like to mix sound recordings. How am I going to build furniture with no tools and no space? How am I going to flip houses with no capital?

Why do I feel like I am tethered and tied?

I feel like if there were one thing, only one thing that all of me were completely invested in, it might work, but there’s not. I like to potter, but here, I am stuck, almost to the point of imprisonment. I ain’t got a dime to my name.

At this point, to get to a jumping off point, I feel you have to lie, cheat, and steal, because ain’t no one with a true heart got nothing. I have nothing to offer anyone worthy of receipt. Do I start offering to the lying, cheating, stealing, back-stabbers?

I also realized last night, that SCREAMING repeatedly on a daily basis, out-loud, to the universe for all to hear. “I WANT IT TO BE 90 DEGREES OUT RIGHT NOW!!!!! RIGHT NOW DO YOU HEAR ME?!?” That worked. Sub-zero temperatures are like being raped, not that I’ve ever been raped, but of all the things a physical body can experience, waiting for a bus with bitter subzero winds eating to your bones… shivering constantly for months on end…

There’s probably not anything else I really whole-heartedly care about that much.

So here I am, horrified by most of what’s around me, but the one thing I really, really gave my whole being about, escaping Wisconsin winters, I was able to fix. I’ve lived without a bed. I’ve let go of the notion of getting another cat. I’ve made peace with the fact that my godson is just going to have to endure a less than ideal childhood.

You know the serenity prayer? It seems there’s nearly nothing I can change, and so I’ve let go of nearly everything. Oh Lord, I am an empty vessel. Fill me up with your light!

Maybe in 20 years I’ll look back and be glad for discernment and wisdom and life.

So little music speaks to me at the moment, likely because I seem to make connection with so few people right now.

Carnal Pleasures and the Mastery of Desire

How do you tell between illusion-based desires and those, well, that are more well-intentioned and serve the light within?

This is a head trip you can easily get lost in and your ego is going to be out there to get you time and time again, but as blade dancers, you can’t just go all raw or all celibate or all whatever to eliminate your addiction. Right? Krishnamurti already said this. I’ll get to the point. I promise. You might want to do this for a time, so that you remember how if feels to be without it, and how your brain and chemistry work outside of the addiction and withdrawal, but hey man, not everything that brings pleasure is evil. That’s why we’re here in these broke down bodies on this planet that is experiencing a biospheric meltdown right? We’re not suffering for our health, I mean, maybe you are, but I did not volunteer for this mission and I’m still a hedonist at heart. Since, we’re supposed to be living through our hearts right now, always were supposed to be. That’s why everything is all broke down. Our hearts have been broken.

Well, anyway. The fashionista inside me is coming back to life. Most times I am practical because I know I am going to be sweating balls or climbing over deadfall or what have you. But really, if I’m staying in all day or just driving to the store why not do my hair and make-up and actually think about what I am wearing? So in part this may have been spurned by the increasingly raw diet because I feel more glow-ey and more like LOOK AT ME (stupid ego! but there you go). I feel less like a ghost to the world and more like myself. Not that I didn’t feel like myself before, I just felt invisible to the world at large, but thank God that pieces of reality have finally come into harmonization with my vibration. Now that I know other people can see me I feel like then I really want to play around with what my outside casing looks like because inside I feel very creative and playful and fashion and cuisine is where my heart is having that come out right now. It’s sort of weird, because it normally comes out through music, art, or poetry but there’s the whole dissatisfaction with music at the moment.

I want MAC eyeshadows and brushes, cute sandals, some freaking clothes that I haven’t already owned for the last 8 years, nice clothes, not the shit you find at regular stores now a days. If anyone knows of any amazon fashionistas recently passing, I’m a classic 14 to 16. Dead peoples’ clothes are the best. lol. That’s the other thing about new clothes. They don’t fit right. There’s like all this room for stomach pouches, that used to be in plus sizes or half sizes. Misses, please. I have curves, but I am not a heifer. Juniors and girls sizes do not have room for boobs or shoulders or hips. And actually that’s getting bad too. I get something big enough for my shoulders and rib cage and there’s all this extra in the tummy area. But I have this vintage dress, that other the the sleeves being a little too short, is slammin’. Okay, I’m done. I think I am going to start buying new clothes at Victoria’s Secret because they are the same price as Target or Macy’s, better quality, and haven’t gone all vanity sized.

I did fall asleep listening to Miles Davis on the turntable last night. That was fabulous.

I did drink last night.

I did pick up a copy of Crosby, Stills, and Nash’s first album on vinyl. It is so freaking beautiful. It brought me to tears. Hey, if I can manifest an analog copy of “Judy Blue Eyes”, and a way to play it, I think I can manifest whatever I desire that is in harmony with the universe. Listening to this album I have loved forever the way it was intended to be heard was a truly, truly amazing experience. Indescribable.

So while I can still enjoy the old music. I am hearing a new sound that I haven’t got the resources to commit to bringing out of my head, and apparently, no one else is there yet, or they are in the same boat I am in.

Oh, and really, I want a mixer and a set of turntables because I am hearing Aretha Franklin disco house after listening to Love All the Hurt Away last night.

I did come across this mix that is pretty nice.

The dehydration is going okay so far, even though I was in the kitchen forever yesterday. The crackers are still moist and really crumbly, so I definitely want to try the chia seed thing next time, but they smell really good and I want to eat them right now!

I also was thinking, all of the above, this is why I can’t watch movies or read fiction anymore. Drama-free reality and the playful expression of my being through my high-heart is so fucking awesome why, oh why, oh why would I ever want to live through anyone else working out their archetypal dramas or intentionally creating illusion because they forgot or have yet to learn how to be? Nope. I am going to spend hours playing with my hair and make-up, playing in the kitchen, playing with jig saw puzzles, playing records, playing on YouTube… because I am embodying happiness. I cannot be distracted and I do not need to be entertained or brainwashed.

Solfeggio For the Moon Melon

Happy music ice crystals!

Quantum Cognition 285 HZ

Liberation from Fear and Guilt 396 HZ

Transmutation/Undoing Situations/Facilitating Change 417 HZ

This is the one our Wisconsin friends need today as they go to witness the fall of Babylon. Here is your power to change fear and lack into love and abundance!

Transformation and Miracles 528 HZ

Integrating Structures/Connecting/Relationships 639 HZ

Consciousness Expansion/Awakening Intuition 741 HZ

Silver Violet Flame 825 HZ

Returning to Spiritual Order 852 HZ

Mastery 936 HZ

Numinous Accord 963 HZ

That’s all for this one. I decided to add a page on my blog so this will be easy to return to. It will contain additional frequencies as I come across them and links for aural healing.

Tribal Punk


We watched Ondine last night. It was a decent movie as far as movies go. (I’m trying to desperately fully charge the batteries for this next long roller coaster ride.) I’m not a strong swimmer. I can’t breath under water. I am scared to be out on the open ocean in small craft, even though I find a deep happiness being on the coast (even in spite of all the darkness in Humboldt going on right now). I grew up in the “city on the lake”. We live right near Churn Creek now. I may not be able to hear moving water, but I can feel it. I can run out the door and run to it. I’m just saying, you can’t take me more than spitting distance from trees and moving water.

Feels like McCloud is supposed to be my new home, but I’m not sure how to get there. At least I’m close enough to visit, but there are even times that I sort of get flustered crazy like being in the city when my heart is somewhere else. Or maybe I belong to this bigger area. Traveling within the sphere of this energy. I don’t really ever want to go anywhere else again because everything is here, except for old friends, and either they are drawing down light elsewhere, or they have yet to realize they actually belong here, and maybe a few sacrificed for family.

Love always remains.

Welcome home, Nadeanna!

Also… I’ve been thinking about steamer punk a bit lately, but I thought of tribal punk last night while watching this video. I’m not sure if it’s because every time has exploded out upon right now or if the future becomes this synergy of tribal life celebrating co-existence within the forest. The difference is we will have technology in harmony. Like smartphones, stainless steel knives… like fur traders, but without being out to exploit the abundance for profit.

Well um…

J’ai dis que… quelque chose…

Get up and dance foo!


Say wha!?! Like a G6!

The next question remains, where the FUCK are my bullet trains?!? If you bought a G6 instead of investing in bullet trains or teletransporters, I cut you, you best recognize. Oil guzzler…. cuz you can be sure they don’t have a green electric version.

New Moon

All I am going to say is that I am glad my cycle is back in sync with the lunar cycle. I am also thrilled that I am not working today. Pain management is easier when you don’t have to pretend like you’re not in pain. I am still concerned about the premenstrual spotting, but I keep hoping that when I have normal length cycles that are in sync with the lunar cycles, I just need more time to readjust after having been on birth control for ten years and after having my body fat percentage fall below 20%.

I wish I could summon the energy to go pick blackberries. I probably ought to cut the grass at some point today too. Maybe I will make an omelet and make muffins later. I want to go to the farmers’ market in 6 hours and I bet it will be a zoo because of the holiday. I also have a few more hours worth of forms to type today. I wanted to balance my checkbook and pay bills. It seems like such a lot of work when I just want to rest. Today is one of those day I wish Andy were here to make me breakfast, such a sweetheart. I strive to be so sweet, not just to him, but if I start being around people again if I move to the coast. Sometimes it’s difficult to have that energy.

Time slips away, through my hands like wet sand, but not knowing the future, this does little to excite me. I watch the sun speed across the sky and wonder how I let the time fly by. Hoping, hoping that before I know it, he’ll again be by my side. 299 has become a familiar jaunt. Its exploratory magic is replaced by a sense of belonging. Siskiyou, Shasta, Trinity, Humboldt, Del Norte… here at the end of the earth, timelessly captured, sun and sea and stars and mountains, forests and lagoons, valleys and rivers I find myself home. A seasonal round begins to establish itself: summer in the cascades – winter near the ocean – some springtimes anywhere the ground has thawed and there is work.

My soul sister was married this weekend. I love the glow that love lends! Sister, may your marriage be rich and blessed and you and your beloved be light keepers and bearers for the Milwaukee hearth. I think of all the children that are so blessed to have you as a teacher. I strive for your grace and kindness.

I’ve been having thoughts about the Eureka genesis and the Humboldt Bay massacre. There are things that keep resurfacing that seem profound. Frank Black and the Pixies… 707… Humboldt… Fortuna… Again, it’s feeling like here is where I was meant to be my whole life. Maybe not to stay, but right now, working on transmuting the tensions between those who belong to the land, those who had raped the land, and those called to the land, reaching a tipping point. There is something very special about Eureka. MY job is to protect that inherent energy and take it positively to the next level. We’ve been in port towns most of our time here.

It’s funny how we all spent the summer in isolation. We may not be together in the fall or winter, but I think we will be among those we need to be among and be making an impact in service. Even I realize, it makes sense for us to remain separated, although I prefer this to not be, because if we are spaced out, we can reach larger numbers. Even though were, one or both of them to come be with me in winter, I would feel stronger and more focused and be able to accomplish more.

If you reinterpret these lyrics, it’s not about two lovers, but the subtle energies at play in a triad. I’ve wanted this since I could see how much in love Adam was still with Emily and yet had grown to care for me, could see always she will love him, even having forgotten. One love is the only thing that makes sense, and the triad is an emotional consciousness experiment, but how difficult it is to find resonance! When my boys and I are in harmony, I get the chills. It is so beautiful! I am so blessed for this love.

They are one person

They are too alone

They are three together

They are for each other

Yellow Electric Sun

What does it mean? I’ve never seen the “establish galactic spectrum” before. It sounds profound. Here is to hoping that Friday will be the change I need. Everything has been complete nonsense since March. All is ridiculous like dreamtime and dreams are sometimes more sensible and usually more comforting than in my waking life.

Also, the blockquote thing is being retarded.

How did someone find my blog by searching polyamory Oregon? I googled it without quotes. Who went through more than three pages of a search?

I Activate in order to Enlighten
Bonding Life
I seal the Matrix of Universal Fire
With the Electric tone of Service
I am guided by the power of Flowering
I am a polar kin    I establish the Yellow galactic spectrum

Not a crisis of nervousness do we stand now, not at a time for the
vacillation of flabby souls; but at a great turning point in the history of
scientific thought, at a crisis such as occurs but once in a thousand
years, such as has not been witnessed for many generations. Standing
at this point, with the vista of future achievements before us, we should
be happy that it is our lot to live at this time and to participate in the
creation of tomorrow.

~V.I Vernadsky~ 1932



Spirit says, “If you build it, they will come.” I came to Kentuckuy to invite you home, because I love you. Many years from now, I will go back to the lake and you… well… just know you are welcome to be safe in the forest in the lap in the mother creator. I am so blessed, and so I will listen to Spirit and try to hold out until Thursday.

Spirit is also not helping with lunch plans, “Stay,” Spirit says. If-ing I make bread, it won’t be ready until 5ish. I must go shopping. I think of a grocery store, hold the image in my mind, and all indicators are blah. “Stay,” whispers Spirit.

Can I really manage to get by until Thursday without restocking?

Happily Spirit indicates that I am to make more summer salad for lunch. And next Saturday the farmer’s market starts. Yay!


For you honey!

Nice bon voyage gift from Q.

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