Death? Illusion or Just a Joke?

I am still in the denial stages a month later. I miss talking to you. I miss your humor. I miss your worldview. I am sad with a creeping knowledge that that particular take on things is gone from me but for in my dreams. I am shocked by an intimacy I never properly acknowledged before. I keep waiting, expecting that you come out; this was all a hoax. Did you commit suicide? Drown? Your old ticker just give out on the body you abused so badly a decade ago? I’ve always expected it coming before, knew death was stalking. You shared my suffering comrade. Inside my head is a scream, “Where are you!?!” And I take it all for both of us, for everyone you shared with. I can hardly stand up straight in the blinding sun, the blazing heat. It shimmers and it’s all I can do not to fall and give in to it too.


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