And the Earth Goes Pop!

Today, the weather station at the airport recorded a temperature of 86 at 2:53 p.m. I went outside and recorded the temperature on the southern exposure of our house at 65.5 degrees sometime after 4, but before 5. It seems like I have been having to cover my plants and scrape frost on a daily basis for quite sometime. My plants probably cannot take many more hard freezes. Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday it was warm enough in the afternoon to drive around with my sun roof open. Thursday I actually was uncomfortably warm. We’ve been having 50 degree temperature swings throughout the day. This happens sometimes in the fall when it gets dry, especially at higher elevations, but we’ve had days this last week down in the valley where we’ve come close to breaking both the record low and the record high in the same day. Yesterday I did some yard work. The area along the western side of the house was frozen solid until about 10 a.m., yet the high yesterday afternoon was supposedly 81. What the heck!?!

I’ve been thinking about the new earth thing. Ascension 2.0, whatever you want to call it, and here are some of my observations as we move into 2013. Things were crazy, at least seemingly preternatural or paranormal for me the most in 2010. Magickal happenings were a daily occurrence. There were apparent UFOs, time moving backward, light bubbles, humming sounds, unexplained power outages – pretty delusional type things I was convinced were my reality. Now I feel like I’ve “settled” or I’m “coasting”. Those really weird things aren’t happening, or they’re logically explainable somehow. I no longer feel like I’m searching, or that I have this pressure to communicate or create in order to “get it out.”

Yet, I’m also not very hopeful (or very fearful) about what the future on Earth will bring. I’d give my all to go home. I realize all the very stupid, stupid things I’ve done in the last 15 to 18 years. I realize to any normal person, I was completely off my rocker and insane during that time period, but there’s not the yearning anymore.

I actually sat down at the drafting table for the first time since we’ve moved today to work on some maps. Then I realized the GIS guy had transposed the labels, so I gave up. Now that I have the waypoints, I may just give up and do the maps the old fashioned way by photocoying the quad map and drawing on it.  The scale for the sketch maps is 1 inch = 500 feet which is too big for the size of the sites in my opinion, but it’s better than nothing, IMHO. It would take a lot of effort to go back out and do pace and compass maps, almost as much as trying to get a new computer and ESRI up and running at home.

I’ve been having bad dreams every night. Not nightmares, but the kind where you wake up and you’re disturbed and tense. I dislocated my C1 and C2 vertebrae last Friday morning. OUCH! And dislocated my shoulder on Christmas Eve. I can only assume these incidences were from bad dreams. I seemed to have gotten over the whiplash in about 18 days, so not sure how I could be okay for a month and then WHAMMY!

I pretty much wake up stiff and achy every morning. It’s not that unusual, but I haven’t been training hard or really pushing myself. Now it’s like if I go without the calcium magnesium and epsom soak, even if I haven’t had an epic adventure day or bust my ass at work day, I am sore and sorry. I would expect this at 73, not at 33.

I am more sensitive than ever to injustice, but in a way that doesn’t affect me so much emotionally. I’m just aware of it and in shock. It’s miraculous to me that anyone is able to keep their home and put food on the table.

I started putting together my tax stuff today and I actually made slightly more in 2012 than in 2011. It sure doesn’t feel like it though. My checking account seems to have been running on fumes constantly since labor day. There were no, hmmm “I have a little extra, I should get some clothes that aren’t stained, holey, and threadbare” or “let’s stock up for Armagedon” shopping trips in 2012. No, more like, “hmmm, let’s see if I can make it to Poterville and back on bald tires” or “let’s see if I can do 5 days of survey in the Southern Sierra with 3 year-old socks”.

I really feel like I am coasting now. Waiting is not quite the right word. Stuck is not quite the right word. It’s coasting. Everyday I’m amazed that I have a warm, dry place to sleep, hot running water, a flushing toilet, a not-yet empty gas tank, a functional refrigerator, and food to eat (even nutrient-rich, organic food to eat). Yet I am saddened to a degree each morning that I’ve awoken to face yet another day in an impossible, irrational, unjust world.

And I want more. I want physical intimacy. I want a compost and a clothesline, cats, a child of my own… I want my godson with his father or his aunt and uncle, not with his mother and step-father. I want a piano.

I feel like time is crushing me. Time speeds by, SNAP. Hours are seconds and days are hours. Months are weeks. Years are hardly seasons. SWISH! ZOOM! SNAP! POP! Just the anxiety of time crushing me makes my heart race, pushes my frustration tolerance to the limit.

Slow down! We’re too fast! Let me ride!

Yet I am still here. I remain. I persist. I swoon. I fall. I swallow. I suffer. I ache. I am awed. I hold back tears. I cry. I lose loved ones. I wonder and wonder how the past could have been the way it was. Yet still, I go on, and on, and on.

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