Many Things

Woke up this morning, very horny, very hungry, blood pressure in the basement. It’s not the greatest feeling. It was kind of torturous actually. I had to wait for a long time to be able to get out of bed because I don’t enjoy the blacking out thing. I was fighting. I skipped yoga this morning. I’m trying to not feel bad about it. It’s very cold and I think I have the heat down below 65. My calves are also sore from training on Monday. It’s pouring rain, so probably no training this evening.

Work is utterly dead. All last week I went in to work anywhere from 15 minutes to 2 hours. It’s not worth my time for that honestly. It’s fun to have one day where there’s only an hour or two, but all week long two weeks in a row? Eegads! I have what I feel like is a million applications out across the north state, but I am not expecting interviews. I am debating working further south and out into the western Great Basin. I suppose I will need to get quite a bit more desperate, but I would absolutely love to be self reliant. I am tired in my bones and soul of looking for work and feeling like I have to justify my existence to the people of the Earth, when I’d really rather ask them to lick my balls thank you very much. I will probably never get over this feeling of insecurity. I’ll always be down on my fellow man for busting my balls my whole life. There’s no kindness in the heart of the one you left dying on the road to Jericho. There is obviously something wrong with me since I cannot support myself through earning wages. People don’t want to pay me to work for them. Other people love for me to work for them for free. I’m getting to the point where I see all employment, especially the kind where you don’t manipulate people into doing things they don’t want in their heart of hearts to do, as welfare. I keep thinking of the Hollies song, “He ain’t heavy, he’s my brother.” If you’re an enlightened being wouldn’t you sort of have to be socialist? Can you argue me around that? It’s Truth. If you are enlightened, then you have to be a socialist, pretty much.

I’m so excited that I got a few hundred articles from a friend and was able to load them onto a 2 gig micro SD in the Nook Color. I will probably spend the better part of the day reading.

Mr. X is gone down south this week. Guess what is the most exciting part of that? I can wear Old Spice antiperspirant. Yay!

There is an international grocery store near where he is staying and he got me the very last block of foie gras, even though it was more than twice as much as I told him should be his cut off. This is probably the most he has ever spoiled me before. I heard rumors that they were making foie gras illegal because of the cruel way they force feed the geese. I cannot confirm these rumors. Should I feel bad about them force feeding geese when I think about how chickens, cows, or pigs are treated and raised to produce the meat that most Americans eat? It’s no worse, although it’s no good.

I miss Quinn.

I am still trying to figure out how to get kitties, my own washer and dryer, a yard for a garden, compost, and clothesline while maintaining the gas range and the dishwasher. This must be in Nor’ Cal. Sometimes, looking back, I’m amazed what I’ve been able to do and what the universe has blessed me with, but other times, I am so impatient.

I also need to replace my bike rack.

I want to add a few things to my backpacking gear, and really if work is going to be like this, I might take up K’s offer to do the John Muir trail this summer.

There other awesome thing is that there is a complete abundance of food at the moment. There are all kinds of yummy things I can make, so I can happily not leave the house at all until Friday morning.

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