Over the mountains
Of the Moon,
Down the Valley of the Shadow,
Ride, boldly ride,”
The shade replied –
“If you seek for Eldorado!

I have begun looking for other employment. I’m beginning to feel like pound scum settling. Right now there are 3 possible choices, but nothing for certain, and for once, and perhaps the first time in my life, I could choose, because all 3 possibilities would most likely ensure immediate survival as defined by enough calories, fresh water to drink, and a warm, dry place to sleep. Do I give up a permanent job for a temporary job that pays more money? Do I go back “home” to take an adjunct faculty position that may or may not pan out? Do I stay here and be content with settling?

I suppose just the fact that I was looking shows that I have no faith my current position will ever afford me what I truly desire, and it will be just getting by, on and on.

It’s as clear as mud.

If I could know what I wanted, maybe it would be easier, but at this time, my heart is empty of desire and longing. I am blocked by frustration. The dream is meaningless because I’ve already lost it all and there is no striving because the time is slow to come, even though all the events come too quickly, action would be pointless when nothing is in place.


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