So I go to the dentist today. It took all I could manage to scrape together in 4 months time, plus money from my parents, for a cleaning and two fillings.

Then, although this was mentioned before, on my next visit to get 2 more fillings done, there is a possibility that one of them will require a root canal and crown. I am not sure exactly how much this would cost, as I haven’t gotten an estimate, but probably around $1,500. That’s like an entire month’s take home pay.

I am drowning in debt and desperately, desperately need to file for bankruptcy, but I don’t have $1,500 to file for bankruptcy and that will be a nightmare.

I have no bed.

I am seriously considering giving up my phone when my contract is up and not replacing it, not with a land line, not even with a pay-as-you-go mobile.

I am seriously considering selling my car.

I am seriously considering having them simply extract the tooth because that would be significantly less expensive than the root canal and crown.

I have two master’s degrees and a bachelor’s degree. I have a job, but I can’t even afford to go hiking anymore, because I can’t afford the half of tank a gas a week to go up to the mountains. My heart is broken that I will not be skiing, snowboarding, or ice skating this winter.

I have no way to get my saxophones from Tennessee and Wisconsin to California.

If I even think I want to go to the weddings in 2013, I’m going to be walking and/or hitch hiking. It will take roughly 2 months to walk 2,000 miles, so I will need to take 4 months off work.

Plus I am having female health problems and I have no idea where that’s going, but I know I don’t have money for it.

Probably slowly dying from uterine cancer would be a blessing. It would give me an excuse to do whatever the fuck I want whenever the fuck I want.

My life is so completely and utterly hopeless right now.

I feel like a complete slave and I am completely miserable.


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