I found what appears to be a Phidippus audax in my kitchen pretty much immediately upon my arriving home from work Thursday or maybe it was Friday, after Jeremy left for a fire. At first I was freaked out because it’s big and creepy looking, and I thought it might be poisonous because of that spot Jeremy had on his arm. I’m not convinced it was herpes or shingles or poison oak, but he never went to the doctor and it healed up, so… Anyway, I tried to catch the spider, but I couldn’t. I didn’t see it yesterday, but it was back again this morning while I was making fry bread.

Why was I making fry bread? Yesterday I hiked 16 miles, a personal record, on the South Fork National Recreation Trail in Trinity County. I thought of making doughnuts when I woke up, but it seemed like a pain. I went for fry bread instead, which is still a messy pain, and I lost the recipe when my hard drive crashed back in 2008 that I’d had before that was a combination of my grandmother’s recipe and some Internet recipe. The first batch I tried this morning was a complete failure. Then I tried one with more baking powder and sour milk instead of water. Almost. The texture was still not quite right, but… I think maybe I’m supposed to add sugar or butter? Or maybe buttermilk instead of sour milk. Anyhow…

So then once I figured out this creepy bug just wants to hang out on the kitchen wall and hunt tiny bugs, I’m like, “Okay. I guess it’s scared of the broom and as long as it will hide when I am sitting at the kitchen table, as long as I can scare it, it can stay until Jeremy can catch it because I cannot catch this thing.”

Then I got to thinking about spider totems, and if that might be Jeremy’s totem, because I haven’t really been able to place him, and then I feel like the spider shows up to protect me while he’s gone because I felt very uneasy to be alone. Wednesday night had been very scary for me. I wanted to kill this spider. That was my initial reaction, but it’s like an answer to a prayer. I was going to kill it, and it’s a blessing. Yet another example of how the darkness is within and attitude and perception make all the difference.

Yesterday was magical. I love the Trinity area. I’m in love with it. I went back to Scott’s Flat after two years. Everything was so much greener than it had been in June of 2009. It was like just spring, rather than the peak of summer, strawberries just starting to bloom versus picking the last fruit. Then we hiked along the South Fork National Recreation Trail. It’s pretty easy, but I haven’t done anything over 8 miles since like October, and I’m still working on breaking in the boots. I was tired as all get out last night, and I am quite stiff today, but the blisters are pretty inconsequential.

Um… so I guess we’re in the 4th day of the 9th wave of the Mayan calendar thing. The 3rd night sucked. I’m glad it’s over, and yesterday was awesome.

Seems I dreamed something about those in power will fall in July, it was marked on an ordinary wall calendar – Obama and Walker energy signatures were communicated to me – and so I ought to really ENJOY the 4th day and recharge because chaos is soon on it’s way to kick my ass, yet again. This is where the doughnuts came in. Because the old school doughnut-eating law enforcement officers are also going to fall, and really people that do what humans were made to do, walk, are the ones that have the ability to eat doughnuts. So then I wanted to make fry bread to get in touch with my roots, and here’s where the spider comes in. Get it?

Grandmother spider, Cherokee frybread, Grandmother’s “flap jack” recipe, black and white? Ha!

So we’ll see if I make it to Cloverdale this evening. I am still not bathed and I have yet to clean up the fry bread mess.

Okay, great!



  1. June 14, 2011 at 11:13 AM

    Fry bread sure tastes good. I always found it difficult to eat in small, infrequent amounts. Thus, I seldom sample it anymore. Still, it seems an essential food. (My mom preferred to make donuts….)

    Its hard to know what Grandmother is spinning for us, yet certainly she is spinning change. The ones who come in dreams seem to be talking to lots of folks right now. No doubt the next year (Mayan Calendar aside) will be momentous.

    I imagine Pachamama will be looking in all our hearts, and noticing whether we hold her sacred. But she does that anyway. All of us (from whatever ethnicity) who were asked to be birthed onto planet Earth, and do our small parts for healing the people and the planet will have plenty of tasks I think.

    • nadeanna said,

      June 14, 2011 at 9:40 PM

      I haven’t made any in about 4 years, because you really can’t eat just a little.

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