Please Manifest Sanity

I have recognized the difference between fear and dread. How can you fear something you have lived through dozens and dozens of times? Yet, you know it’s coming. It could be less intense or worse than you can possibly imagine at this moment, but it’s coming, you can feel it, and you know it sucks and you just want to get it over with RIGHT FUCKING NOW. I can feel this chemical cocktail of womanhood and it is DISGUSTING.

So please, please may I lose some body fat and make this stop or get pregnant? ANYTHING ANYTHING ANYTHING. There is nothing worse than having to “drop out” and spend at least 4 hours SCREAMING because you are in the most intense possible imaginable pain.

I am so ready to resign. So, so so ready. I work at a great, understanding place, but however, people, in general, just don’t get what it’s like to operate from a completely and utterly different reality. I cannot function in people’s reality.

In that world, I am insane even though from my perspective, that world is wrong, dysfunctional, and insane.

I can’t do this anymore! I WANT TO GO HOME! NOW!

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