Confidence

One of my friends in Wisconsin got a lay off slip today.

Mr. X might be on furlough in the near future if congress doesn’t approve a budget.

Gas is soon going to be over $4 a gallon here.

T-mobile is trying to extort money out of me for a phone that Asurion received from me in November. T-mobile has been added to my growing boycott list. Pretty soon I’m not going to have any options remaining for telecommunications services.

Even though all of our February bills and some of March’s have been paid, we have almost nothing left for food or gas. I do have two bottles of wine in reserve, and plenty of oranges and apples, so it’s not as bad as at Christmas.

I’m making cream of celery soup and French baguettes. I hope I measured the flour correctly. I’m pretty much in permanent tune-out mode. Counting to six is really hard. I’m going to make celery and apple salad tomorrow.

I have no confidence remaining. I cannot function in everyone else’s reality. My shoulders are permanently slumping. Although I may find joy from time to time, putting on a happy face is not happening. I know all too well what is going down, and it’s not going to be pretty anytime soon, not even if I want it to be. Even if I have inner serenity, there is outer turmoil, and I am still affected by it.

I’m thinking of offering up crash space to Wisconsin expatriated refugees. I feel like all of my friends who aren’t parents or who aren’t caring for parents are going to be emigrating soon. There’s something more comforting in natural disasters over economic collapse. Acts of God feel more honest.

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