Quiet

It’s been quiet, or at least I have not felt the compulsion to write. I’ve been busy trying to get up to speed on the prehistory of NorCal.

One thing I have been noticing and it’s become blatantly obvious to me is that I can tell when other humans try to draw me into conflict or act antagonistically towards me. Jeremy says it’s like a drug. Of course my little shitty toddler ego still gets wounded easily, but I’ve been telling that toddler they are in TIME OUT. When people invite in these dark demons and try to draw me into it, I walk away. Maybe I am pissed and have to put the inner child into time out. Maybe I have pity in my heart for those blinded by the dark or those still requiring a story to cling to, those seeking power, those yearning for a sense of belonging. But right, we are getting ready for the UNIVERSAL underworld and nations, peak oil, star councils…. so OVER IT. I am back to the pure harmony of my home, even life on earth pre-industrial revolution were you lucky enough to live in a…. “proper civilization” or to not be a mistreated slave.

Now sorry if many of you didn’t get on the galactic wave and work through your galactic garbage.

Sorry if many of you did not finish playing out your archetypal dramas.

I however, am done, so done.

Anyhow, it’s interesting to see how Jeremy perceives these ‘demons’ as a chemical cocktail or drug. I am beginning to sense them with some kind of untranslatable dimensional awareness. I laugh at them. “BE GONE!” There is a knowing that their food/energy/power source is disappearing. I laugh harder, longer. “You are not sucking me dry to survive a few moments longer. Go now. Shoo!”

Because I have beautiful star-flower-heart mandalas to give to you. Right, remember how the mandalas were the ‘keys’? The ‘keys to emergence’? I understand how they work now. I don’t know how to teach anyone, but I can do it! And I can sense places where I have shifted the ley lines and the people I love associated with certain nodes. It’s not heart breaking anymore. It’s part of a gateway.

However, this place here is becoming an intricate network of SHOOM! The supra-node. The vortex? It’s pretty awesome. So very glad to be here, so very-very-very glad.

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Awareness

Jeremy is unconsciously transmuting collective fear of catastrophe, but it’s unconscious. He’s getting all depressed and worried about “the future” and feeling everything is pointless because of the Debt Bomb (yay! some imaginary 0s and 1s in some computer).

I feel like I am starting to break into higher/other dimensions. You know I’ve been here toodling along bridging between that place I started existing in and regular old 3D for awhile, couldn’t handle Kentucky/Tennessee because the only place high enough to contain me was the farmhouse and a few widely scattered abandoned homesteads that still had some old growth. I had to come back home!

So I’m thinking last night about how all my life I’d had this itchy feeling, this longing to leave, this desire to put a lot of space between me and Wisconsin; and how when I got to Siskiyou, even though it was completely alien at first, I felt I could be who I AM. We were looking at the map of California last night and Jeremy was like, “Wow, look how big the central valley is! California has everything.” Then I was thinking about the ancient trade route that the fur trappers began using, like the way from here toward Lassen. We still have that, these iconic landmarks, state highways following ancient trails through the passes. But here I am at the top of the central valley. The tippy top, gateway to wild and mountainous forests, surrounded by the iconic landmarkers, just below the confluence of 3 rivers. The mountain snow comes down and there is the life blood of the whole north state.

So anyhow, it’s like I was working with the mandalas for Shasta Lake. Seems like the dams are okay here. Like I was scrubbing the dams to get them transcended.

I’m warring myself with keeping lake levels high and needing sunshine.

Then I was thinking, “Wow. I am doing this thing I don’t really understand, and certainly cannot translate, but it’s so important!” I’m beginning to see California as its own nation, but not in a negative respect. I’m beginning to see myself as a powerful guardian for these watersheds that are the lifeblood of this nation and the waters that grow the food that millions of people eat to fuel their light bodies. 🙂

Anyhow, I just wish he were aware when he called in dark energies. I mean, sometimes you need to have a little sassy time to work through these things, but it’s like he doesn’t know he’s inviting in this thing outside himself and like Sunday night, I could “see” it.

“Jeremy, what are you doing? Why are you arguing with me?” Yeah, yeah so I refused to really play into it.

Getting out the gamma ray gun to zap these fuckers. Not really gonna wait for his unconscious transmutations. But then I’m like, “Why are you watching that shit? You already know about the underground government control programs. Gawd!” Then I’m like, “Do you want to play chess? Do you want to make play dough? Do you want to paint? hun hun do ya?” Like I’m 5. “Baby. Come to bed with me. That’s not even fun.”

Paradise Found

Everything is better in California. It took less than half an hour to file an unemployment claim.

+happy dance+

With unemployment, I probably make too much for food stamps, but I did email the Peoples of Progress that host the community garden. Jeremy does not seem gung ho about the composting. He says it’s a fire hazard. I was like, “If the compost gets hot enough to spontaneously combust; we are freaking retards and the brown/green ratio is off.” No, Nadeanna, no compost. He’s also like, “We aren’t going to have time to garden.” I’m like, “What, you are expecting me to go back up and live in Siskiyou and quit this job?”

I’ve also realized that there are at least two things I am willing to sacrifice my career for, staying here and him. In Kentucky I was seriously homesick and the only place I felt the energy was conducive to my being was the farmhouse. The rest of the time I was pretty much freaking out. It could have been a lot more fun had I just applied for unemployment last March. I would have saved money on rent and not making two cross-country road trips. I would have had a lot more time to go skiing and snowboarding, but okay, alas. If my roof had not been leaking, would I have bonded with Jeremy? Maybe. Now I feel like I was to smooth out the rough spots in his life and make it easier for him to do what he needs to do, give him hope. I feel like we are stronger as a unit than as separate individuals.

Still, many nights, I close my eyes, and it is the same longing for southern Siskiyou County. At least I am close enough to visit.

I am also missing the basement dance studio.

At least the sun in shining and I will get outside today.

My ideal house will have a basement or some other arrangement for an indoor dance studio and washer/dryer space, like a garage. An extra room with good light to set up as a studio/office. An extra kitchen with a sink like the Art House would be awesome. I doubt there are many single family homes, converted to duplexes, reconverted back to a single family however. It would have a gas range and a dishwasher with lots of counter space, and an east-facing window in the kitchen. Our bedroom’s minimum size would be 10′ by 10′. I want lots of built-in closet/storage space and a pantry in the kitchen. A walk-in pantry and walk-in closet off the master bedroom would be ideal. I want enough yard space for a clothesline, garden, and compost. Skylights and fireplaces are bonus features, but I am undecided as to their necessity. Hardwood floors are a plus. I think 1,200 sq. feet is a minimum. 2,000 is a maximum. The bathroom must have a shower and a bathtub. I really would like one of those corner tubs with jets, like a whirlpool tub. Somewhere to put a small dry sauna would be nice, but in this climate, and with the work I am currently doing, I am not coming home everyday wishing to God that I could take a sauna.

Anyway, work, by June I am going to be needing full-time hours and a $2.50 an hour raise to make it not worth my while to commute to McCloud, which would suck. It’s an hour and 15 minute drive in good weather/traffic. The time, the gas, the guilt… do not seem worth it. I would probably attempt to camp during the week to avoid driving and then I would get cranky if Jeremy were not on travel because the whole point was sort of to save money and spend more time together. (All our time together.)

But then I realize I forget to give them the apartment number for my address because I haven’t lived in an apartment since 2003. I’m used to the straight up address with sometimes an A or B. Doh! Even still, updating my address took less than a half an hour. The ladies on the phone did not sound like they had a stick up their ass and hated their job. I am in heaven on earth.

 

Sunset

The sun sets too early!

I thought trying to sell artwork on craigslist or Etsy was a nice plan.

Between getting home from work and now, the sun was actually up and out, providing real, natural light for me to draw with, so I did, but now it is getting dark, far too dark to draw with natural light.

I saw an egret walking to work today.

Egret teaches to stand in the physical and spiritual worlds. He teaches healing of the emotions in order to bridge the heart and mind. This also correlates to grounding properties in order to receive and process spiritual and emotional insights for clarity. Egret helps look deeper into aspects of life, brings out innate wisdom and shows how to become self-reliant. Egret is sharp, direct and to the point. Determination, balance, follow your own path. He aids in seeing the bigger picture as a whole instead of the small parts. He will instill security and confidence in exploring the mind and emotions.

From Redding, CA

The Importance of Food

What I noticed almost immediately was the amount of growing food and small gardens – everywhere. Even in between city apartment blocks there were green patches of gardens and plastic tunnels where food was being grown side by side with modern urban lifestyles.

The Italians have a love affair with food. Their particular Mediterranean climate, and their passion as individuals has produced a culture based deeply in emotional and sensual experience. It is a culture that celebrates its antiquity through its history, but its connection to the present moment through the celebration of food, family and community. And, the food itself is a celebration of the elements that create it, the sunshine, good soil and water and wind.

In Italy, it is almost impossible to have a “bad” meal. The food is fresh, tasty and well prepared because this is a point of honor with Italians. It is served with love and passion, music and conversation and good wine, and it takes time. Yes….La Dolce Vita. No fast foods, processed foods or artificial foods. And the Italians are proud of their cooking skills. I was touched at the seminar event that I held in Sorrento, when a lovely lady called Guiliana who worked at the center, baked a lovely fresh “Caprese” chocolate cake for the birthday of one of the participants. It was hot out of the oven and baked to perfection, and tasted wonderful. It was elegant and simple, not overdone, no icing and no “goo”, just the pure fresh ingredients and love and skill. What a birthday surprise for all of us !

After my time in Italy, I travelled onwards and expereienced much food that was the complete antithesis of this – heavy, processed, greasy, tasteless, artifical, fast and awful. So the difference between eating in the old energy and eating in the New Reality became clearer to me.

…it seems to me, with my new perceptions and the new energies, that humans were designed to eat. We have teeth and a digestive system perfectly designed to process food. But, it also seems to me that it is not so much what we choose to eat that is the issue, but how that food is produced and or raised and how it gets to our tables and into our meals!… It is only the “disconnection” of the old energy that allows people to make absolutely no connection between the food on their plates and the suffering that produces that food. And, if you are aware and conscious, can you continue to eat in that way? Can you celebrate food that is filled with suffering and pain?

I think that this way of eating and living has been a result of the “disconnection” of humans from the land that supports and nourishes them. Before the industrialization and mechanization of society, people had a much larger role in the growing and preparation of their own food. In my grandparent’s childhood, every home had fruit trees and a vegetable garden. Sometimes there were chickens, kept for eggs and food. If you did not have your own chickens you could buy a live chicken from the street merchents. Sunday’s family Roast Chicken was slaughtered, plucked and cooked by the housewife herself. There was an understanding that food was part of the cycle of life and death and that it was a blessing from God. That is why Grace was always said with conviction and gratitude, and food was eaten with joy.

In our disconnected state we often do not see food as a Grace and Blessing from the Divine and an integral part of the Cycle of Life. We see it as something “out there” that entices us, makes us fat, is an irritation (shopping and cooking) or just plain boring. We have forgotten how to celebrate food, community, sharing and the Grace of God as expressed through sustenance and nourishment for the physical body. The Grace of God is a part of all life if we allow outselves to see that, even to the food that we eat every day.

From Celia Fenn’s latest blog at http://www.starchildglobal.com/.

I found out yesterday that we live less than a mile from a park that has community gardens. I will have to look into this.

I am thinking about container composting and container gardening, but I find no motivation. Whatever the barricades may be, they need to be overcome by March or so when the growing season returns.

I feel very blessed to live in the central valley. Outside of the Mediterranean, I think we have the best food in the world. That’s why I came back here, back home. We finally found a decent Mexican restaurant in the north state. I’ve been concentrating on making inauthentic Mexican or TexMex inspired food. He is a quarter Mexican and seems okay with eating bean, tomato, pepper-based food. Other than liking TexMex more than any other kind of food, it seemed to be the only affordable option to feed a household of eight in Milwaukee. I could go buy us enough cinnamon and cloves at El Ray to last us several months for less than $15. Avocados, cilantro, tomatoes, potatoes, onions, tortillas, meat, sour cream, cheese, spices, all on the cheap. There is a Mexican grocery right by our house. Finally found the darn place after a year and a half!

I got to eat well all summer between the growers’ and farmers’ markets. The bread machine has been a godsend.

We are locking horns over western medicine and financial institutions.

I want my bikes down in storage so I can use them. I want to get up to the mountains to play in the snow, but feel unjustified in spending $15 in gas for a trip up. I’m also still apprehensive about being up in the snow, alone. I do not want to have to chain up. I am intimidated by the snow chains.

He wants me to go to the doctor to find out what’s wrong with me. Well, the most probable cause has been eliminated. Now what? How much money are you willing to dump down this? We don’t have any extra. Besides, going to doctors is agonizing for me because I’ve had so much bad experience and they tend to only make things worse. Waste money, make Nadeanna miserable. Sounds like a win, win right? Doctors have not yet made it to the 5th dimension, that’s for sure. Just like food in Western Kentucky. I’m not paying to eat shit. I will drive to Nashville to get groceries and I am getting the hell out of Dodge ASAP and going back to the land of edible food, clean air, and clean water. So I did. Amen. The important things. Food is the foundation and to have good food you have to have good soil, good water, and good air. Now how do we get there? I just don’t see how figuring out what is ‘wrong’ with me is going to help feed the world real food or help humanity live in ecological harmony. Not a priority, although, I am almost inspired to start making us a compost, even down to going and buying worms.

And as for feeling like dog excrement today… “When I said to my inner guidance that I felt inadequate at needing such support, the reply I received was that I had supported so many, now it was my own turn to feel what it felt like to be supported through a challenging ‘ascension’.”

Outside of Time

I am shocked to see him. His left arm is amputated as well as his right leg up to his knee. My son is a cripple! He’s not even 5 yet. He barely got to enjoy the experience of running. Images of skiing, ice skating, snowboarding, running through prairie grass, mountain biking, road biking, flash all through my head to be replaced with sadder images of driveway basketball and assisted swimming. Well, he always loved the water, right?

“What happened!?!” I am demanding as I receive a single-armed embrace.

“Mommy!”

Michelle and Angie look at me doe-eyed.

“He was attacked by a 6th grader with a machete,” Michelle nonchalantly replies. His sister? “They had to amputate.”

He has no other scars, but insisted on keeping his right foot. He likes to show it to people.

“Look at my foot Mommy!” It’s been sprayed to preserve it and it’s still fleshy feeling. Gross. You can see the bone in cross-section at the ankle.

“No one thought you should tell me?”

Michelle and Angie shrug.

“Honey, I would have killed whoever did this to you if they had so much as touched you.” He had a prosthesis for his leg, so he could walk, but it didn’t fit right and he seemed to prefer scooting around on the floor like some crab-boy.

You need to come home with me, to the land of far, far away. The sun shines more. The air is cleaner. The water is better to drink. The food just came right out of the earth, and THERE ARE NO MANIACS RUNNING AROUND WITH MACHETES!!!!

I had been watching Queen before bed last night and there is a gory civil war scene. I found out Michelle is supposedly moving back in with her mother, the most evil person I’ve ever met.

I tell Jeremy about the dream and he tells me about this twin Anubis dream he had, like something out of The Mummy. The twins were really two old Jewish men under the masks. They had been collecting body parts because one of them had lost a leg and one an arm. Jeremy had found a toe in his sandwich prior to their arrival.

So in exploring dismembered children, jackals, and Anubis, I came up with this.

“For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places”
Ephesians 6:12 – KJV

Somehow this led me back once again to Chapter 24. When the darkness is increased by one, the 7th brings return.

I find myself within the mountain. All is in relationship to the sacred mountain that holds my life anchoring me to all that is.

THE JUDGMENT

KEEPING STILL. Keeping his back still
So that he no longer feels his body.
He goes into his courtyard
And does not see his people.
No blame.

True quiet means keeping still when the time has come to keep still when the time has come to keep still, and going forward when the time has come to go forward. In this way rest and movement are in agreement with the demands of the time, and thus there is light in life.

The hexagram signifies the end and the beginning of all movement. the back is named because in the back are located all the nerve fibers that mediate movement. If the movement of these spinal nerves is brought to a standstill, the ego, with its restlssness, disappears as it were. When a man has thus become calm, he may turn to the outside world. He no longer sees in it the struggle and tumult of individual beings, and therefore he has that true peace of mind which is needed for understanding the great laws of the universe and for acting in harmony with them. Whoever acts from these deep levels makes no mistakes.

THE IMAGE

Mountains standing close together:
The image of KEEPING STILL.
Thus the superior man
Does not permit his thoughts
To go beyond his situation

The heart thinks constantly. This cannot be changed, but the movements of the heart – that is, a man’s thoughts – should restrict themselves to the immediate situation. All thinking that goes beyond this only makes the heart sore.

THE LINES

Six at the beginning means:
Keeping his toes still.
No blame.
Continued perseverance furthers.

Keeping the toes still means halting before one has even begun to move. The beginning is the time of few mistakes. At that time one is still in harmony with primal innocence. Not yet influenced by obscuring interests and desires, one sees things intuitively as they really are. A man who halts at the beginning, so long as he has not yet abandoned truth, finds the right way. But persisting firmness is needed to keep one from drifting irresolutely.

Six in the second place means;
Keeping his calves still.
He cannot rescue him whom he follows.
His heart is not glad.

The leg cannot move independently; it depends on the movement of the body. If a leg is suddenly stopped while the whole body in in vigorous motion, the continuing body movement will make one fall.

The same is true of a man who serves a master stronger than himself. He is swept along, and even though he may himself halt on the path of wrongdoing, he can no longer check the other in his powerful movement. Where the master presses forward, the servant, no matter how good his intentions, cannot save him.

Nine in the third place means:
Keeping his hips still.
Making his sacrum stiff.
Dangerous. The heart suffocates.

This refers to enforced quiet. The restless heart is to be subdued by forcible means. But fire when it is smothered changes into acrid smoke that suffocates as it spreads.

Therefore, in exercises in meditation and concentration, one ought not to try to force results. Rather, calmness must develop naturally out of a state of inner composure. If one tries to induce calmness by means of artificial rigidity, meditation will lead to very unwholesome results.

Six in the fourth place means:
Keeping his trunk still
No blame.

As has been pointed out above in the comment on the Judgment, keeping the back at rest means forgetting the ego. This is the highest stage of rest. Here this stage has not yet been reached: the individual in this instance, though able to keep the ego, with its thoughts and impulses, in a state of rest, is not yet quite liberated from its dominance. Nonetheless keeping the heart at rest is an important function, leading in the end to the complete elimination of egotistic drives. Even though at this point one does not yet remain free from all the dangers of doubt and unrest, this frame of mind is not a mistake, as it leads ultimately to that other, higher level.

Six in the fifth place means:
Keeping the jaws still.
The words have order.
Remorse disappears.

A man in a dangerous situation, especially when he is not adequate to it, is inclined to be very free with talk and presumptuous jokes. but injudicious speech easily leads to situations that subsequently give much cause for regret. However, if a man is reserved in speech, his words take ever more definite form, and every occasion for regret vanishes.

Nine at the top means:
Noblehearted keeping still.
Good fortune.

This marks the consummation of the effort to attain tranquillity. One is at rest, not merely in a small, circumscribed way in regard to matters of detail, but one has also a general resignation in regard to life as a whole, and this confers peace and good fortune in relation to every individual matter.

And so in the future, the earth rises above the mountain, in genuine modesty. Hexagram 15, as arising now from the bottom of the mountain.

The superior man can carry out his work to the end without boasting of what he has achieved. The superior man… equalizes the extremes that are the source of social discontent and thereby creates just and equable conditions. Where no claims are put forward, no resistances arise. If a man allows himself to be dazzled by fame, he will soon be criticized, and difficulties will arise. If, on the contrary, he remains modest despite his merit, he makes himself beloved and wins the support necessary for carrying his work through to the end. Genuine modesty sets one to creating order that inspires one to begin by disciplining one’s own ego and one’s immediate circle. Only through having the courage to marshal one’s armies against oneself, will something forceful really be achieved.

Through the imposed nightmare, perseverance, without boasting…The war is over, but we count ourselves not victors, merely resolute, accepting gladly what is given, the hug of a crippled child whose heart is lighter than a feather. There can be no destruction where no lines have been drawn, no demands, nor claims made. It is a delicate dance both within and outside of time, flowering forth from the internal flame allowed to burn brightly into the external creations.

 

Lemon Pecan

Two more years hey? Until the magical 33 and the Mayan calendar cycle completion.

I got up at 5 and made lemon pecan rolls. That took like 4 hours.

I was really happy to play outside yesterday. I plan to go to Whiskeytown like everyday now. A gym membership might be cheaper than gas though. Anyhow…. there are no mountains in the gym.

I enjoy only using 2 blankets on the bed and not being frozen 24-7. It’s fucking awesome!

I have ghetto health care again. $30 co-pay. Far from affordable, and given that my lab work came back normal, there is probably either a more heinous cause of my symptoms, or it’s something that nothing can be done about. Come on crystal body!

I just need money to go away. This week I have to try to hunt down the person that is supposed to train me, apply for unemployment, begin filing for bankruptcy, apply for food stamps… these are all things I would much rather die than do so um… I may end up back in western Kentucky again, just to avoid them. I’m on the short list for a job in Elizabethtown. Do I want to leave paradise? Do I want to leave the man? NO! But I sure as FUCK don’t want to do that other shit. I’d rather stab myself. HELP!!!!

I dreamed Dubba got sent to prison, but it was some cushy low security prison for rich people. Still, it’s a start.

This morning I dreamed that I was stuck in some school building/grocery store/medical complex waiting to get lab work/x-rays/cat scans done. I was running around nearly naked getting pissed that I couldn’t leave to go home and get work done.