Lovesick

I put down the security deposit on a place at the top of the valley yesterday. We are moving in together. I can tolerate to be away from him for about 4 hours. Then the lovesickness sets in and makes it impossible for me to concentrate.

Tomorrow is apparently not my last day. I have no idea what is going on. “Don’t expect much.” Ok great. Every little bit more helps. I am worried about spring if this insanity between us does not abate. How can I go away for even days at a time? Fire season? Between the two of our jobs we’ll never see each other.

Somehow this seems very different. We feed off of each other. It’s something more than physical attraction. Something more than spiritual bonding. It’s EVERYTHING cemented with powerfully intense chemical dumping in our bloodstreams. I’ve never seen someone else GLOW for me that way and then I GLOW and then everything around us shimmers and pulses with a divine light. This ship has set sail, for sure, or at least, in each others’ presence, we are permanently in that new paradigm, even down out of the mountains.

I just would like to know how I can possibly manage to get through 5 and half more hours of boring office work today. If I were in the field, it would be better, not okay, but doable perhaps. This is insanity.

“The theme of the Day Seven celebrations is harmony between men and women, which will create the end of war on Earth during the end of the Mayan Calendar, since division in partnerships is the genesis of violence. We all have a lot of work to do, and it begins at home.” ~Barbara Hand Clow~

He has guns and a whole shelf of gun smithing books, and a Moran print of Yosemite on his bedroom wall (but not the same one my parents had growing up). He is very encouraging of my desire to start brewing beer for us this winter. I told him I was beginning to feel bad for all the bottles we were recycling, so even were cost not a factor, we ought to try to be more sustainable. He has an artist mannequin and tells me there is a drafting table in storage. We are going to have a studio/office. I envision a cozy nest. Now I just need a super chair, desk hutch and a new lap board. With all of this, surely when these consuming flames die down, there will be peace like pumpkin custard. Which, really, given my inability to focus right now, I’d rather be baking and packing and drinking than trying to write survey reports. Ack!

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