Life Happens On the Slopes

… the rest is just details and preparation.

I had another dream about snowboarding. Justin was going to come pick me up to go up the mountain. I was like, “You know, it’s been months, and I just took lessons last winter, I think I might need lessons again.”

“Don’t worry Melissa. I will do the greens with you and wait for you when you fall down. But I did break my nose my first year,” as were loading my gear into the van.

He came to pick me up at my grandparents house, but instead of it being on the Root River it was near Churn Creek or the Sacramento, in another, small river valley. This is probably because I was comparing Churn Creek to the Root River yesterday, watershed restoration always on my mind.

At my parents’ house Ralph was bringing stuff up from the basement, but the Art House basement, to be cleaned and repacked or used for Christmas. My parents’ kitchen was in my grandparents house.

I’m standing on the porch at my grandparents, looking out to the river bluff, now covered in houses, talking to some old friends. My mom calls, Justin pulls up, early. I’m like, “I have to go now!” Introductions.

Then I’m at Darkside and playing around with a television and DVD player. The block washing bleeds into this part. People are making paper characters of themselves like at preschool. I made a glue out of buttermilk but someone turned the stove on. I put it in the pantry, which was like the pantry at the Story Hill house. A couple of adults were making woven paper mats to put inside their characters.

In a time of no time, in a place that is not a place. You’d better clean your childhood blocks and have your board waxed and ready. Smart phones become A.I.s, really useful tools when your brain no longer operates in a linear fashion but many things still fall under 3D Newtonian law. Smart phones provide navigation charts.

Snowboarding and turntabling are probably the best ways to prepare for interdimensional realities. I’m kind of excited to see where we’re going, but I am content to let an old friend drive a 4WD with snow chains up the mountain while I remain a passenger. I done did all the pre-work.

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Clogged Up

I am sitting on the toilet trying to will myself to move it along through so that my dinner and the colon cleanse can have room to digest. We ate this terrible stuff for dinner last night on the way home from Thanksgiving. I felt the need to detox pretty bad last night. I was pretty thrilled when I did finally poop. However, I do not enjoy the feeling of being stuffed to the point of vomiting with having only eaten one meal today er yesterday. I have terrible heartburn. Chewing gum is the only thing that is helping. I’m actually starting to get tired now, but I can’t lay down, acid reflux. Poop.

If time starts going any faster, I swear. It was just, I mean just Wednesday afternoon. Hum. Yeah, this time thing definitely has to go too.

Invasion of Love

I dreamt last night that the Pleiadians finally disclosed their presence en masse. I was standing outside with Justin, or we were in a cafe and saw two ships appear to land in a cornfield across the street, but the view was obstructed. I was like, “Eh,” at first. “Yeah, yeah Justin. UFOs. I see them ALL THE TIME.” But then they got bigger, and bigger and looked like they were landing, so we went outside. “Did that just really happen?” Then the whole sky is suddenly alive with hundreds or more, a fleet. I am flabbergasted. Wow, finally, sooner than I expected. HURRAY! So I am running across the street. The first Pleiadian to disembark is surrounded by people wanting hugs, welcoming them, wanting to touch them. It’s like those of us to know who they are intuitively are the first to greet them. Others only feel compelled to touch them, like reaching out to touch Jesus, hem of your garment sort of thing. A small minority is frightened or angry. The second one I see is a woman, immense, or at least larger than my statuesque self, hair with a blonde base, but a rainbow of pastel colors as highlights, slightly curly and the deepest, bluest limpid eyes overflowing with compassion. So I run up and hug her. It’s really you. This is really happening. WOW! AWESOME! So glad you came sooner than expected. Like I could let out a sigh of air, catch my breath.

Another part of the dream I was in an attic of an old house and we were cleaning or doing some remodeling. There was a huge, maybe 2 feet in diameter spider with a black body and red legs. I ditched out of the house. I was walking somewhere else through this older neighborhood and a copper-colored Scorpian scurries out onto the sidewalk and tries to bite me, but I’m wearing these lace guards on my boots and so I just pull it out and pull the thing apart.

There were other parts to this dream, but still seemed to relate around remodeling, getting rid of old furniture to increase efficiency, improving food preparation facilities, and stuff that just generally seems related to normal life and what-not, a regular cleaning type dream.

Thanks Giving

I’ve have let go all that which was unnecessary. I have unbound contracts and returned piece of others to themselves. I have quested to gather the seeds I need. They are germinating now, green shoots in black soil. I have fought courageously as a warrior for the ideals instilled in me by my original tribe. I found home. Free of all which would imprison or bind me, keeping me from my heart’s true desire, the coordinate grid points align in love, in free will, mutually, now, in this moment.

In this time, in this place, with this love laying down roots from the seeds I carry; I am connected to my source, our source. HOME. I become the tree, grounded, reaching toward heaven, in paradise. This world is a mirror of our world. Blue Pacific to the desert beyond the mountains, volcanic fiery vents to rivers of lifeblood fed on snow, ancient forests to the fertile central valley; we are blessed in this land. We are blessed in this love. Now, hold on, hold on!

Giving thanks!

The Ghost is Myself

It is reassuring to know that others are experiencing the same type of things.

– Seemingly being invisible in public. People walking right in front of me. Stepping in front of me as if I wasn’t there. No awareness of my presence. ~Ozglasscat~

And brother Zakary posting about the Mt. Shasta lights. Jeremy dreaming about TIME being embodied as a grizzled, wizened smoke jumper. Time is as a being, and HE is out fighting wildfires, a job normally reserved for the reckless youth just hitting their prime.

I turned down the job in Augusta. (It never rains, but it pours).

I still have yet to finish paying my November bills and change my address. I have one more floor to mop in Dunsmuir. Turn in the keys. Leave forwarding information.

Approximately 66 more hours of work. I was going to get up at 4:30 this morning but I ended up going back to bed and falling back asleep. I need some greater physical activity beyond running up and down stairs.

We are going to Chico Saturday for a pre-holiday party. I hear there will be bacon and champagne. This reminds me of Comet. I will get to meet siblings. Shit just got real, so real it’s surreal.

I have a job interview here, Monday for a permanent archaeology position with a private company. Problem is, is that it is a senior position and is almost all report preparation and no field time, so unless they are willing to train/mentor me and unless they are going to pay me A LOT, I probably would want to ditch when the snow melts and we start back up again, but the timing seems perfect and it seems too synchronistic and parsimonious that surely…. we’ll just wait and see what happens. The time is now?

Thanksgiving looks clear weather-wise, so Burns is on. Who knew they got so much snow? Six archaeologists, a former arch tech and a baby. Should be awesome times, another ARL west coast mini-reunion.

I dreamed I got kicked out of the MPL. Like you could only be in the library to do research, not to have coffee clutch hour with your friends. Libraries should totally have cafe areas. There was other weirdness. Like Q, Fortune, Jesse, and Liz were at this bar I thought was a dive bowling alley or something, but they were actually having a shindig for Q’s return to frozen tundra land. However, I was trying to pack all of my shoes and art supplies into my pack, but there were still two boxes, a portfolio, and a coffee thermos. Jake was there and I was asking him to please drive some of my stuff back to Michelle’s. So it was like this dream battle of the ‘light and dark T-shirts’ in MKE and I was just trying to get my stuff out of the way so I could hide out in the library, but both teams were looking for me. There was a message on the ceiling in my parents’ bedroom along the lines of “Your inner light is clean, but your outside is still ugly.” I guess that’s because the apartment is a cluttered mess? Well, recycling, free-cycling, unpacking, shipping, etc. is going to have to wait here for a few weeks. This shit is bananas. B-A-N-A-N-A-S.

Okay, so back to survey notes. I have a lot to get done in the next 8 work days if we are going to Fort Bragg for my birthday.

SNOW!!! SNOW! YE-AH SNOW!

So uh, I hope I get all the lose ends tied up in Siskiyou today, because it is going to freaking snow this weekend. I am excited and sad at once. I am glad I won’t be there for it, because I hate the cold, but there should then be a decent base at Bunny Flats if they plow the road. I would like to get snow shoes and a back pack for my board for some low-key back country. The man is not all about winter sports. I might die laughing if we go ice skating, but then I know what people must think of me. I also miss watching the snow fall, but does that mean I want to give up a bed and a desk and a couch and a shower and a dishwasher to live in an ancient house with no heat, a leaking roof, and a barely functioning fridge so that I can be closer to skiing and so I can watch snowflakes fall? Fuck no!

I really just want to race and load up the last load. Screw cleaning that place. No one is dumb enough or desperate enough to live there in winter. It wasn’t clean when I moved in, why should it be clean when I leave? At least I plasticed the windows for winter. I think the owner is losing her mind and I totally don’t expect any deposit back anyhow. Life is a headache. Life takes drugs, like sex and snowsports, although I don’t necessarily recommend mixing the two.

Analog

Eighty years ago Gene Krupa and Benny Goodman played a concert at Carnegie Hall. I now have a near perfect reproduction of that concert.

He wanted to stop at a furniture consignment to look for a less expensive floor lamp. The movers broke his and one was definitely not going to be enough, as neither of the bedrooms or living room have overhead lights. I know, fucking retarded right? The place was built in 1989. I think that makes it the second newest place I’ve ever lived in. I am used to living in 100 year old houses. Well, as I am wandering around playing every freaking piano in the warehouse, aghast at the price of a wing-backed chair I want, which we do not have room for, on the way out we see this near mint condition 1965 Zenith stereo cabinet. Stereophonic high fidelity…. My prayers have been answered. Of course I should not be spending any money on anything.

Yesterday we went record shopping. I replaced an LP left behind in Tennessee and one left in Wisconsin. My decent collection of 78s is still sitting at the farmhouse. The boy is IGNORING me.

We have the drafting table set up, but there is so much STUFF. Even myself, who came from Kentucky with only what fit in my car, hence the crate of records in Tennessee, I cannot believe the amount of STUFF and the amount of time to pack, clean, unpack, organize…. I have to go back to work Thursday. Then it’s Thanksgiving. My birthday. We are going to Chico in December for his kid’s concert. I suppose I get to meet more family then. We are planning to go to Fort Bragg for my birthday. Then Christmas and New Years… solstice. 2010 was one fucked up year. Imagine the fastest spinning top possible. Yup. Could I get off so I can throw up now?

If this Mayan calendar stuff has any veracity…. I just want to slow down and play records and draw and re-orient. Everything has changed so drastically so quickly. I am grateful for what could possibly turn into a home, the potential to put down roots, but can that really happen?

I also talked to baby daddy yesterday. Void all previous contracts. I just feel so bad for our kid being left with his mother. It gives me nightmares sometimes. Anyone who would use an innocent child as a weapon of manipulation…. it makes me sick! Ok, Taylor. You deal with this mess. Poor Taylor. Even if you get yourself into it, no one deserves the shit she dishes. Except maybe her mother.

Student loans… So filing for bankruptcy for my credit card debt is going to nearly double my income for the year. Then I will owe the IRS a few grand which is not going to do much for my ability to focus next field season. Every year my student loans increase by 5 or 6 grand because I can barely pay HALF the INTEREST on them and this is with making close to $30K a year!!!!! So being as I do not want to get my own place in the mountains next summer, nor can the man afford this place all on his own, I think I am going to try to work on an actual forest next year.

What would be REALLY FANTASTIC is to get a career internship where he works. Come on, we both more than deserve this. Our kids deserve this. Since fucking money seems to be sticking around still, please!?!

Lovesick

I put down the security deposit on a place at the top of the valley yesterday. We are moving in together. I can tolerate to be away from him for about 4 hours. Then the lovesickness sets in and makes it impossible for me to concentrate.

Tomorrow is apparently not my last day. I have no idea what is going on. “Don’t expect much.” Ok great. Every little bit more helps. I am worried about spring if this insanity between us does not abate. How can I go away for even days at a time? Fire season? Between the two of our jobs we’ll never see each other.

Somehow this seems very different. We feed off of each other. It’s something more than physical attraction. Something more than spiritual bonding. It’s EVERYTHING cemented with powerfully intense chemical dumping in our bloodstreams. I’ve never seen someone else GLOW for me that way and then I GLOW and then everything around us shimmers and pulses with a divine light. This ship has set sail, for sure, or at least, in each others’ presence, we are permanently in that new paradigm, even down out of the mountains.

I just would like to know how I can possibly manage to get through 5 and half more hours of boring office work today. If I were in the field, it would be better, not okay, but doable perhaps. This is insanity.

“The theme of the Day Seven celebrations is harmony between men and women, which will create the end of war on Earth during the end of the Mayan Calendar, since division in partnerships is the genesis of violence. We all have a lot of work to do, and it begins at home.” ~Barbara Hand Clow~

He has guns and a whole shelf of gun smithing books, and a Moran print of Yosemite on his bedroom wall (but not the same one my parents had growing up). He is very encouraging of my desire to start brewing beer for us this winter. I told him I was beginning to feel bad for all the bottles we were recycling, so even were cost not a factor, we ought to try to be more sustainable. He has an artist mannequin and tells me there is a drafting table in storage. We are going to have a studio/office. I envision a cozy nest. Now I just need a super chair, desk hutch and a new lap board. With all of this, surely when these consuming flames die down, there will be peace like pumpkin custard. Which, really, given my inability to focus right now, I’d rather be baking and packing and drinking than trying to write survey reports. Ack!

Lucky!

Southern Siskiyou County on a fine fall day… Somehow I am not even upset that tomorrow is my last field day and Saturday is my last day of work.

I feel hopeful and adventurous and blessed, as though somehow everything will all just work out.

And that even if it is a dream I already dreamed, it was not the one I’d been investing in and so it comes as a delightful surprise. It makes me feel gladder than glad to be here at home, in paradise. That somehow I’ve made the right decisions leading me here, even when it felt like I had been mistaken.

Top of the Valley

Mountains echo love,

Linger momentarily,

The call of home is sweet.