New Moon

All I am going to say is that I am glad my cycle is back in sync with the lunar cycle. I am also thrilled that I am not working today. Pain management is easier when you don’t have to pretend like you’re not in pain. I am still concerned about the premenstrual spotting, but I keep hoping that when I have normal length cycles that are in sync with the lunar cycles, I just need more time to readjust after having been on birth control for ten years and after having my body fat percentage fall below 20%.

I wish I could summon the energy to go pick blackberries. I probably ought to cut the grass at some point today too. Maybe I will make an omelet and make muffins later. I want to go to the farmers’ market in 6 hours and I bet it will be a zoo because of the holiday. I also have a few more hours worth of forms to type today. I wanted to balance my checkbook and pay bills. It seems like such a lot of work when I just want to rest. Today is one of those day I wish Andy were here to make me breakfast, such a sweetheart. I strive to be so sweet, not just to him, but if I start being around people again if I move to the coast. Sometimes it’s difficult to have that energy.

Time slips away, through my hands like wet sand, but not knowing the future, this does little to excite me. I watch the sun speed across the sky and wonder how I let the time fly by. Hoping, hoping that before I know it, he’ll again be by my side. 299 has become a familiar jaunt. Its exploratory magic is replaced by a sense of belonging. Siskiyou, Shasta, Trinity, Humboldt, Del Norte… here at the end of the earth, timelessly captured, sun and sea and stars and mountains, forests and lagoons, valleys and rivers I find myself home. A seasonal round begins to establish itself: summer in the cascades – winter near the ocean – some springtimes anywhere the ground has thawed and there is work.

My soul sister was married this weekend. I love the glow that love lends! Sister, may your marriage be rich and blessed and you and your beloved be light keepers and bearers for the Milwaukee hearth. I think of all the children that are so blessed to have you as a teacher. I strive for your grace and kindness.

I’ve been having thoughts about the Eureka genesis and the Humboldt Bay massacre. There are things that keep resurfacing that seem profound. Frank Black and the Pixies… 707… Humboldt… Fortuna… Again, it’s feeling like here is where I was meant to be my whole life. Maybe not to stay, but right now, working on transmuting the tensions between those who belong to the land, those who had raped the land, and those called to the land, reaching a tipping point. There is something very special about Eureka. MY job is to protect that inherent energy and take it positively to the next level. We’ve been in port towns most of our time here.

It’s funny how we all spent the summer in isolation. We may not be together in the fall or winter, but I think we will be among those we need to be among and be making an impact in service. Even I realize, it makes sense for us to remain separated, although I prefer this to not be, because if we are spaced out, we can reach larger numbers. Even though were, one or both of them to come be with me in winter, I would feel stronger and more focused and be able to accomplish more.

If you reinterpret these lyrics, it’s not about two lovers, but the subtle energies at play in a triad. I’ve wanted this since I could see how much in love Adam was still with Emily and yet had grown to care for me, could see always she will love him, even having forgotten. One love is the only thing that makes sense, and the triad is an emotional consciousness experiment, but how difficult it is to find resonance! When my boys and I are in harmony, I get the chills. It is so beautiful! I am so blessed for this love.

They are one person

They are too alone

They are three together

They are for each other

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