Mountain Lions

I dreamed there were mountain lions. I was carrying three glass mason jars full of water. I saw them before they saw me. So I started quickly moving away, singing a song about how I wasn’t afraid of mountain lions. When they started following me, I turned around and threw a mason jar at the first one to approach me, scaring it into retreat. I remember being very cranky and almost depressed in my dream.

I don’t think cougars are good dream omens anyhow, and then a confrontation, and considering they are close enough to my life totem, the jaguar. I’ve just been having some really bad dreams. Even when I try to only live in the immediate moment, the sense that things are bad and about to get really terrible, I can’t shake it. All the sparkle and joy seem like illusory icing. Would I be happy if he were here? What would make me happy? A real job? Security? A family?

But the answer is deeper. What would make me happy requires so many to start changing the decisions they make. I won’t settle for a little consolation prize. The way things have been going this spring, I think it will kill me soon, these wrong decisions everyone is choosing. Yes, comfort would be nice, but could I really share this burden with someone I loved? It seems terribly unfair, just as my feeling it does.

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