Why does everything have to be in so much flux right now?

Why am I afraid to go skiing?

Why am I afraid to go to San Francisco this weekend?

Why am I still at home right now wallowing in indecision?

What do I want?

What do I need to do to get there?

Why do we still have money?

Why is it cloudy, again?

All right, we’ve already established that in the new world, fear is not a valid reason to make or fail to make any decision. Decisions should be based on gratitude, grace, love, joy, life, balance, and harmony, but never on fear.

That being said, I miss Andy and I wish there were a way for him to be here. (Money again seeming to be the limiting factor). I think that I would really like to go see James this weekend and visit anyone else that may be in the Bay. I would like if I had enough friends to go out to dinner at Prana or to get bottle service at Temple that were into that type of scene (money is considered a limiting factor on the San Francisco weekend as well). However, Friday is very near the new moon and my personal trendsetter transcendence certainly doesn’t feel on today. Today I feel like hiding in the faerie bower and playing music, reading, and drawing.

I would really like more money so that fear is never a factor in my decisions. How do I get more money? The Captain has got me thinking about the GBG thing. Anything I do in that venue is going to ultimately help him which in turn helps me. I like the idea. However, I dislike the idea of whoring myself for sales, even if it is a worthy product that I believe in. I could sell gemstones to your average smuck, but anything else, I think I need a very targeted audience. I feel kind of whorish already for trying to promote this event by inviting everyone I can think of that might be available and interested. I’ll probably throw a plug in here too, because I believe in James and I believe in Potty Mouth Music.

Well, some recharging the batteries is in order here, both as far as the MacBook and me are concerned.

I’ll keep plunking along, looking for that magic door because I can have my cake and eat it too.


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