Back to Neira

I think the Kentucky mission, whatever it was, to make an alliance with Neira, failed. How easily I give up faith and hope. Anyhow I’m back home and I think Happy and I have work to do at AH-DEE-NA on the McCloud. Depending on the weather, I am thinking of heading up there on my own this week. My drive to get my bike out is fading. I am very tired today. Time is FLYING. Yet, it’s still before noon and yesterday was a very long day. I am back to playing Daphne. It seems okay to put my Apollo on the shelf for awhile. I’m sick of the archetypes. Part of the Kentucky mission was to dissolve this ancient story. CRITICAL FAIL. I bow out for now, and yet’ he’s invading all my private moments. Baby, why are you so mean to me? At the very least get yourself in line. It hurts me so much when you’re not on board with your divine self. Here you are with me, while there you are just looking to get your rocks off. I don’t care either way, but to be here and do what you’re trying to do, how can I honor you anymore?

So I go hiking yesterday at Squaw Creek and Joe is there with his running group and invites me over for dinner because he’s smoking some of the beef I never got to have because the pass was closed before I left. I certainly took longer than you’d expect for the 5 mile hike I had planned, but I went past the falls and had taken like 100 pictures and stopped to have cherries for lunch. So I get to the house and Joe is doing yardwork without a shirt on. It’s now 5 or so, and not hot at all, even though I’d managed to work up a sweat. I was thinking, “Is this retribution for my wearing tight jeans? Please stop flirting with this line I would never ever cross and go put a shirt on.” But I said nothing and tried very hard to be oblivious as usual. I have to repress the sexuality again and go back to allowing the forest to take me completely. It’s just that I don’t really have a lot of other friends here, not ones with time to do stuff with, with any motivation to do anything. So someone I felt safe with, I had the dreaded sex dream. I’m just like, his girlfriend can’t get back soon enough. They can’t move to Oregon soon enough.

I need to have a more positive attitude about the solitude.


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